It’s time we all discuss the elephant in the room. We’ve reached a point in our society where ignoring this issue will only cause harm to millions and millions of people, and because it’s obvious no one is taking up the charge I have decided to step forward and lead the masses to right a wrong that has started to permeate our otherwise peaceful lives.
This pumpkin spice thing has to be brought under control.
Now I get some claim to like pumpkin spice, but I see it more as how someone “likes” heroin. Truly no good can ever come of this. It’s gotten to the point where it’s impossible to avoid products that contain this foul flavoring. It’s so bad that these products have started appearing on shelves in August. In August, I say! Although I shouldn’t expect any decorum from peddlers of such trash.
To be clear, I am not including pumpkin pie in my product rant here. No, that’s a fine thing and should never be messed with. Pumpkin pie is as American as, well, pumpkin pie, and I for one will never mess with one of the pillars of our great country. But most of the rest of this pumpkin-based crap is a drain on our society and it has got to go.
Look at these products, and guess which ones are real and which are fake.
If you guessed the Oreos and Twinkies, two of the more perfect foods ever created, are the real products you’d be right. Which is so wrong. We’ve damaged our society so much that we’ve literally destroyed two incredible snack foods by adding that terrible pumpkin spice to them. And we should not stand for this.
It’s become obvious that this pumpkin spice epidemic has gotten out of control, and only those of us that have the physical and moral strength to not been charmed by such trash are pure enough to overcome the propaganda of the pro-pumpkin spice lobby. It’s time for all of us true Americans to finally take our society back from the heathens that would destroy all the generations of greatness that’s been created before us.
And I hope you all notice how silly this sounds…